Emily Present

Pharma Feeling

I’m going to have to Google this to understand my life…

But, if you close your eyes long enough, there might be some moments where you forget
where you are, who you are

The tilting mirror on the inside of your heart
And sometimes, I can pet my intestines & I see key chains holding my soul together…

I feel less than safe in the air without a screen in front of me mimicking my life as I explore the possibility of dying, next to a couple taking selfies & holding hands through vodka tonics

He sniffs her nails because she smells like the inside of a Victoria’s Secret store,
it works for some people…

And I can distract myself from looking closer at Him & Her & You

And do you ever think:
Does it hurt to be them?

Everyone thumbs the noses of their enemies via their portable devices…
and I know what you’re thinking, but teleportation does not exist yet

The bag man sits in front and mocks the stretch limo, which is way too ’90s for my taste but
as I sit here, as a Pharma Salesman, I can’t quite feel his pain…

He wipes his nose on my Brooks Brothers and I want to, I really do want to … but
it’s just not working yet…

The button on the inside of my right thigh, the one that is supposed to simulate these feelings,
has failed

So I get in the limo, turn the screen on and drink a martini dry
I don’t drink them often, but when I do they’re just like they say they are, diiiivine…

In the strip mall of this Future Space, traffic is inaudible and I will only feel you feeling me,
but, Zeus and Tom Cruise aside, I can’t feel the way he feels

I do a U-ie to the snapshot of my wantings and my feelings towards you will be nothing short
of sedentary

I’m sorry, I can’t feel more…

I sit in the sky pretending to myself, I am somebody else and in this Future, these projections
hollow out, I become what I wanted them to see:

A Man in a sweater feeding babies, holding hands, taking pictures through vodka cranberries

You know, they say, it’s cleansing…
I’ll take what I can get

But this is their skewed version of the American Dream and I am far too modern and
metropolis to wear sweaters…
Only $250 tailored sweatpants with inseams of leather, horn-rimmed glasses and a
frankness for my life

Can you blame me?

I was embarrassed reading War and Peace in public
and if the Subway still existed, I would definitely not read it there…

I’m just thinking about all the other things I could watch to be in The Conversation

It’s like the time I stayed home and read the entire Internet…

And I thought about being a Shy Pretty Girl

If I was a Shy Pretty Girl, I wouldn’t even have to be in The Conversation

I could just stand there, looking cute
holding hands with my feelings & someone else’s
no one would care about my thoughts on the Internet
But if I were a Cool Girl, they’d care…
I’d have to be assertive and aloof at the same time

It must be so hard being a Cool Girl
I wonder how you decide which one you’re going to be?

But I know, how to be this
A decked out dude with a penchant for laxatives, lust, and lethargy…

I never give a dime to the bag men and the crusties

And the woman with no teeth looks down at me and asks me if I go to school

I know the Vanity Pills make my youth stand out but I am not a fucking mannequin

and I can’t seem to feel the feelings I am supposed to in Episode 627 of my life…

I just want a Woman who is going to tell me what to do without me knowing it & give my
money to all the right places so I don’t have to think it through

I’m not sure where to shop for one yet…

I am probably late to the party … but I really do want to save some people, ya know?

Like give them bread and pudding and make their shoes hurt less
But I am not sure I have it in me to be a Caring Type

My Type was decided a long time ago by the Republic of Amazon and they told me what it was
and it wasn’t that

And so, I never ate a can of sadness before

I often wonder if it’s like eating tuna when it’s soggy and has been lying in the fridge for days…

Sort of like my soul before it’s been synced with my external hard drive

Remember when those were still a thing?

Let’s just sit here for a while and remember…

to not feel … in Episode 762 behind saran wrapped time


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Emily’s bio-writer is currently on vacation. She is also the co-founder and editor of glittermobmag.com. She lives and writes in New York City.
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